An Ode to Robot Unicorn Attack

By Myles Tanzer

The clip-clop of hooves, the bright blue sky, sweet music heads into your ear… then there it is! A rainbow! Oh what a perfect day in Central Park! Wait, it’s still cold out, I’m sorely mistaken, I was simply playing the most addicting and pleasing flash game on the entire internet: Robot Unicorn Attack, created by Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, is my vice.

It all started when I got a call from a friend who goes to the University of Maryland. See, there they have these things called fraternities and you have this really complicated process of doing random tasks to gain acceptance into them. One of said tasks was to get above 55,000 points in Robot Unicorn Attack. I decided to go along for the challenge but little did I know, I was about to get sucked into a world of 80’s synth pop and button mashing.

The game’s simplicity is what makes it so great. You play as a three-life unicorn that is perpetually running. It’s your job to keep the unicorn alive by jumping from platform to platform. Along the way there are floating lights to collect for points and large metal stars blocking your path. To get past these stars you must “rainbow” through them. You lose a life when you slam into a wall, miss a platform, or run into a star.

But what keeps you coming back to play is the game’s soundtrack. “Always” by Erasure plays on loop and is impossible to turn off. Awesome. With lyrics like “Open your eyes I see, Your eyes are open” Erasure is the perfect compliment to the game’s kitschy feel. Also, the song has one of the craziest music videos that I’ve ever seen.

After playing incessantly for about a week straight I finally managed to get 57,000 points. A single rainbow tear fell down my cheek. More real tears were to come though when friends started getting 73,000 and then 130,000 points. Great, so now I have to play this game forever (not complaining). This game is really really good and spreads like wild fire between friends. You’ll go days humming “Always” and just imagining that graceful unicorn dashing through your head. God bless Robot Unicorn Attack.